May72012
I wanna bury my head in your chest and fall asleep to the sound of your heartbeat. I want to close my eyes and smell the soap residue on your skin from the shower you took hours ago. I want to roll over and almost fall off my bed and just as I reach the edge your arm pulls me back. I want to feel the tips of your fingers tingle my spine and tickle my fancy. Oh, how fancy you make it all feel and by it I mean me and by me I mean love and I’m not talking about just any old kind of love. I’m talking about that I can’t eat, can’t sleep, head in the clouds over the moon kind of love. So just tell me you love me but don’t use those three words. Tell me by never leaving me in harms way. By kissing my forehead and saying the quietest prayer. Kiss me goodbye even when we’re not in the same space. Let me cry and worry about the why later. Do all the things you always do but with the promise of never leaving.
March202012
I wanna scream and shout and cry at the same time. I want to close my eyes and no longer see the presence of the essence that surrounded a “happy morning”. I want to love again and not just settle. Really open up my heart and my eyes and my soul. I want to be as free of the past and you as you are of me. I want to get caught in the rain with a man that doesn’t care how I look. That kisses me on my forehead and fourth vertebrae because he knows it’s my favorite. I don’t want you. I’m stronger than that. I have been for quite some time it’s just been laying dormant. I want the love that we had. The feeling not the torment. I want to sparkle with someone. I want the electricity I used to feel when I kissed a guy I liked for the first time. I want long talks and short goodbyes. I want tingling fingers and toes filled with ecstasy. I let you take it and now I want it back. All of it. Not just some. I want it ALL! Do you hear me? You can’t have it anymore. Give it back or I will take it. Give it back or I will fight you with every fiber of my being for it. This is not a game. This is my life. I refuse to roll the dice and lose again. I don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve me.
March122012
And he doesn’t hold me like you used to. None of them do. And I’m starting to think that although I know that near the end we were toxic that you were my one chance at love. That you are the superhero in our comic book and I am your arch enemy. That I should of known because the kids, the kids called me Mr. Glass. That love prevailed for you because you are a good person and I am not. That a warm body will never be a body loved. That the flashing memories and fond thoughts of what once was us will continue to haunt me because God is letting me know you were my one chance. That I blew it. That I asked for a soul mate for as long as I can remember and when you finally arrived. When my prayers were finally answered, I threw it away. That I don’t deserve love. That this is my eternal damnation. To have been sold this idea of love and happiness by you and to watch you have it with someone else. So I ask…I’m laying next to who? And for what? And when will I be content with the fact that my bed is not your home? And that her heart is where you are happy?
